I am behind on work.

I am severely behind on work.

I am severely behind on work, because I am depressed.

I am depressed because … I am severely behind on work.

Fuck you, circular logic. Let’s restart.

I am depressed because…

I stay up all night watching random shit on youtube. This happens (Fuck you, self-victimization.) I make this happen once, twice weekly or sometimes every other night.

If it’s not youtube, it’s reddit. If it’s not reddit, it’s real estate sites like streeteasy. If it’s not streeteasy, it’s tv. If it’s not tv, it’s sleeping. If it’s not sleeping (usually in the daytime), it’s socializing and drinking. If it’s not hangovers, it’s obsessive-compulsive cleaning and organizing.

I am addicted to … stimulus.

That’s basically what all addictions are. You want to be stimulated and you want it so badly you become irresponsible. Boredom will probably not induce much fear, but the fear of it is exactly what you are running away from.

Fear of boredom. Fear of emptiness.

Remember: The very first Itch to satisfy your addiction is a feeling. It’s just a feeling. Feelings come and go. You simply need to get into a habit, a routine, a discipline of 1) acknowledging the Itch by saying a little line like Thank you, Mind, for bringing this Itch up to me; 2) letting it pass through your thoughts and feelings; and 3) keeping your day going.  

Mike Tyson, while reflecting his extensive time in rehab, noted, “It’s not a tough man’s world. It’s a thinking man’s world.”

I know I said explanations don’t amount to much and that solutions are much more critical, even on a trial-and-error basis.

However, I sense this…

This will help.


Discipline Calls

I don’t want to do, but I have to.

Even if I was doing something

more interesting

more novel

just straight sexier

It wouldn’t matter. Work is work, whether you’re a rock star or a bookkeeper.

Acknowledge –even if it’s only to The Self– that this is hard.

The Monkey rebels, disrupts and rocks the boat for a reason.

The work is shit, but it’s still work.

Get to work.


fast             methodical

big           effective

yes to all           no, sometimes

add          simplify

“get it done!”             “bad news…”

go go go!             sit. reflect.


Assume the Solution is Correct

When there’s a problem, I tend to ask why.

Why did that relationship end so badly? Why did my client fire me? Why can’t I be more productive?

Why is seeking an explanation. Why is me wanting to understand what went wrong, what I did wrong, and how I can do better.

Why is also the wrong question.

You see, I’m bad at explanations, bad at answering the why. Well, to be more accurate, I’m bad at translating explanations into solutions.

Instead of dwelling on the explanations of problems, my time and effort are better utilized with implementing a solution.

But what solution? If I don’t understand what went wrong, how can I tackle the problem?

Try. Just assume whatever solution you have at the moment is the best one there is.

I’ve found trying something quickly to solve a problem is usually better than taking time to fully grasping the situation and slowly rolling out a solution.

Because there rarely is one complete solution for a problem. Problems tend to be complex, way more complex than we imagine. For instance, waking up early isn’t simply a matter of setting my alarm at a certain time. I practically have to uproot my worldview 180 degrees and set it firmly in an opposite heading in order wake up at 6am every morning.

It’s better to try many solutions with variety than it is to try one thing over and over. The mind keeps changing. Either embrace that or risk suffering.