It’s 9:46pm, still at the office. I should go home. But I wanted to write a little before I end the day.
Depression, anxiety, lack of motivation both professionally and personally… I’ve been steadily flicking away at this
monkey gorilla on my back for, let’s say, six months now.
One thing I realize is I have to exert myself — just a little, not too much — to want the opportunity. What kind of opportunity? On work, lifting weights at the gym, making new friends, ending toxic relationships, so on.
A few weeks I tried something new. It was something I always wanted to do, but never did. Twice in two consecutive days I did open-mics. Five minutes in each session. Did I get any laughs? My first time was fantastic given it was my first — cherry was nicely popped — but the second produced a few nervous laughs, mostly from myself.
I thought about doing open-mics several times a week, honing the craft of joke-telling and laughter creation. Then I decided abruptly that I shouldn’t, not right now at least.
Because the opportunity cost was too damn high. Although I’ve tried only two open-mics, I can already tell it would become a serious investment in time. I had to wait for other open-mic-ers to go before it was my turn, and it was a polite gesture to wait and watch the others go after I was done. It’s not an exaggeration that you can spend one full hour or more just so you can get five minutes of stage time. And that’s not including the time to get there (twenty minutes to a downtown comedy club from my office in midtown) and back.
I need the opportunity cost to be lower. Otherwise I’d rather be working, building my business, writing here on my blog, and launching my podcast.
I need the opportunity cost to be lower, because that will lead to an abundance of opportunities. If I want to continue flicking away at this gorilla on my back, then I need to work on my weaknesses not just daily, but hourly.
More reps, more strength. Simple as that.
If you want to get better, put your fucking phone down. In fact, turn that shit off. It takes only five minutes to get you in the zone, in the flow. Remember that. Just five minutes.
10:02pm. Let’s go home, clean a little, and go the fuck to bed. Yay.